When it comes to sexuality, menopausal women face challenges. But is it always only hormone therapies that help? Or is it about more? Gynecologist Dr. In our “Marians Welt inside consultation hour”, Arndt reports from her everyday practice – and her much more comprehensive advice to her patients!
I am confronted almost every day in my office hours with the subject of listlessness in menopause. I used to always dive into the hormonal status of the patient in order to then work with her to design a drug therapy plan that was individually tailored to her needs. I call that “tailored therapy” in my office hours. And certainly: there are good reasons to prescribe hormones for menopause. After all, they are held responsible for all sorts of things. But are they actually solely responsible for the listlessness during menopause?
Naturally could I now write the thousandth article for sure about hormonal replacement therapy for listlessness during menopause. But who is this expectt, wrong – and could search the internet for hormone replacement therapy for menopause. But that’s not what this is supposed to be about …
So we seem to have found the reason for the listlessness in women in their late 40s: The hormones are to blame – nothing else? This is a simple explanation for everyone involved. For the patient, because she can’t help it. For the partner, because he is not responsible for it either. Yes, actually for the whole family, because nobody has to do anything, nobody has to change. Not the patient, not the partner, not the marriage and certainly not the children who are meanwhile in adolescence.
And suddenly … everything changes!
But isn’t it more likely that every woman in her late forties draws a kind of résumé? And isn’t it true that this résumé not only affects sexual pleasure, but also completely different areas in a woman’s life?
Many thoughts come up in this phase of life: “Where am I?”, “What have I achieved in my life?”, “Have I followed my dreams?”, “Do I still have dreams?”, “My children are with me to leave the house, but what will become of me? “,” Where are I going? “, and” Who is this man I wake up next to every day? ” So many other factors come together at this point in menopause. As a gynecologist and preventive medicine specialist, the ideal hormone replacement therapy is expected from me. But that alone cannot be a panacea.
I’ve changed the way I look at menopause a lot over the past few years. S.for more than 20 yearsn i am doctor, have in these times experienced a lot and seen a lot. These experiences and the teaching of systemic sex therapy (Prof. Ulrich Clement) at the University of Basel helped me to open my eyes – and think outside the box. From today’s point of view, I am ignorant of reducing the listlessness in menopause only to the hormones, Yes, even arrogant towards the patient.
Speaking of menopause: comedian Sabine Bode also has an entertaining perspective on menopause!
About getting older: “I’m skipping menopause and going into tea-dance mode”
Getting older has its pitfalls, but also its advantages. Comedian Sabine Bode explains to us what they are and what she misses most about her youth in a relentlessly open and honest, but also warm, interview.
The question is: “What wants I really?”
First of all, it has to be checked on a case-by-case basis, what is actually no longer desired. There is also a need to find out if sexual listlessness is a problem. Is it really a problem for the patient or is it a problem for the partner? The menopause may be a welcome occasion for the affected patient to finally put an unloved sexuality on the back burner. In that case the problem would be a solution for the patient. For this reason I always ask my patients during the consultation: “Is listlessness a problem for you or for your husband?”
Furthermore, my goal is to move the patient from the “victim” role to the “perpetrator” role. That is exactly what gives her the opportunity for change. she is the director, not the menopause. So I ask the question: “Can’t you feel like it? Or don’t you want to be in the mood?” This question gives most of my patients a thought. Some are even slightly annoyed at first (I can take it). It is important that it evokes a different way of looking at things from the patient. Resource-oriented questions about the past like “When did you have a happy, harmonious sexuality?” are often started with “I honestly can’t remember it like that.” answered, then lead to irritation – and to thought in the patient. That’s exactly what they’re supposed to do.
I think it is still underestimated how much and what women have to do nowadays. Oalthough we are in a living so modern times. Most women are financially uncaring. Not only do you have to work, but at the same time you often have to run a whole household on your own. Plus, if you’re mothers, they need to be at the same time HAuse give the children a world that is as intact and stable as possible. And additionally – as if it wasn’t enough of things – in bed a “heiße lover“ be.
Menopause as a challenge – and as an opportunity!
Yes, it is correct, menopause is defined by a drop in female hormones and also a change in male hormones. Unfortunately, at this point in time, there is also a small, very unfortunate and serious detail: women are at the turning point of their lives. This affects both mothers and non-mothers. All the while these women have been doing and doing and in most cases have not had time to pause and look at the whole scenario from the outside. The physiological changes in menopause suddenly force the patient to slow down at her pace.
That is why, in my opinion, menopause is a kind of checkpoint. Slowing down leads to revision. The patient sees that the “old” no longer works, or to put it another way: that she may no longer like the said old (or perhaps never liked it?) And the cards have to be reshuffled. A new sexuality that is happy for the patient must be determined. I see my task in accompanying the path between the “old” and the “new”. And if you look at it from this perspective, you will quickly come to a completely different conclusion: namely that menopause can represent a great opportunity for the patient and the partnership!
Gynecologist Priv.-Doz. Dr. med. Mariam Alexandra Arndt
About the author: Dr. Mariam Arndt is not only a practicing gynecologist with her own practice in Cologne, which she runs together with her mother. In addition to her daily work, she also has several specialist publications to show for, among other things, she works as a reviewer for the Journal of Sexual Medicine, as a lecturer at the University of Cologne and was head of the working group for virotherapy for breast cancer at the Institute of Virology at the University of Cologne. Her work also focuses on sexual medicine, couple coaching and preventive medicine. Click here for the practice website!